He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
