instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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