She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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