I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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