I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
