i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
