Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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