Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
