so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
