Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
