then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
