I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
