Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
