WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
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I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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