I hate your face
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize