I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
