Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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