It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
