3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
