This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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