Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
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OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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