You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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