they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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