I'm gonna have a badass scar
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
