If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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