Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
