Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
