So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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