just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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