And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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