So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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