fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.