"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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