On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My balls are so social today.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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