the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink