I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
