He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
