Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
