Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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