Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
