No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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