You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
