I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
