Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
