Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
