i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
