the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
