Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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