In the future we'll all be gay
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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