Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Panties = found
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