i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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