I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
