oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
nutella sex= disaster
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
