his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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