Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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