Pants 0. Shit 1.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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