I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
