I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
