The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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