last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
