Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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