never play flip cup with pint glasses
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
