I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
