If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
