living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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