Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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