I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
