Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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