Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
