she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
