he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
