I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
