i think my tv is drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
